How FlashPatter took over our society?

Why Dr Popp's to blame and why I’m Fighting Back With a Jazz Cow!

On a Thursday morning nearly 20 years ago I was sitting in a drab business networking event. Then a man burst into the room with a swagger and swung his chair around so its back faced us and his legs straddled either side. It didn’t matter to him that the meeting was well underway or that others were talking, it was his time to speak “I’m Simon ‘Right life’!” He proceeded to sell his “life coaching” then, topped off the session, telling us that it’s, almost Friday afternoon, so let’s all go to the pub for ‘drinkypoos’, who speaks like that? Simonv‘right life’ did! 

Back then performative people like Simon ‘Right Life’ stood out. Aside from general insults, we don’t have a word for this kind of person, but the Victorians called them “FlashPatterers”. Well, they didn’t quite, I glued two Victorian words together, ‘Flash’ meaning ego-centric, and slick and ‘Patterer’ earning by sales talk. You may ask “Don’t you just mean ‘snake oil salesmen’?” But FlashPatterers are—more self-deceived. They present themselves as "hipster cool," using terms like 'dope,' 'rad,' and 'hashtag,' to the point where even true snake oil salesmen would cringe.

The Dilemma of Playing the Game

For Jazz Cow, we’ve got an impressive team, but fittingly they are all rebels who push back on all this fakeness and want to stick it to the system. But this is a problem, as none of them like playing the social media game. It’s an awful part of the job for so many creative people. I recently came across a comment that sums it up:

“Can you imagine Duke Ellington having to make a TikTok video?”

In the upcoming part 2 of my interview with

Robert Mitchell

We touched on how great music can’t be squeezed into 10-second hooks.¹ Dominic J. Marshall has echoed similar thoughts. It’s like forcing master chefs to make junk food, just to sell something truly nutritious.

This isn’t limited to music either. Animators, writers, actors, painters—nearly everyone is fed up with the way things work now. It can be demoralising to spend time on stuff you’re not great at (and frankly, don’t care for) just to do the thing you are good at, the thing that actually adds value to the world. Animation, for example, is a slow, laborious craft—not exactly compatible with the current demand for daily content sacrifices demanded by the blind deaf and dumb algorithmic gods.

Now, I’m no fan of attention-seeking, yet here I am, seeking your attention for Jazz Cow. The irony isn’t lost on me!

It feels a bit fake. My last substack post felt a bit too close to FlashPatterering for my liking. But Jazz Cow is a great show, and I want to make it happen. I found a note scribbled down of quote from Chuck Jones (though I can’t find a source):

"I don’t belong in front of the camera."

I’m not sure I belong on camera either. Isn’t that what actors are for? Here I am, I’ve also done a bunch of awful Instagram videos if want to torture yourself.

Prerolling before this YouTube video was an ad promising fortunes with “just three simple steps” just like these Instagram gurus offering quick-fix subscriber growth hacks. I want to vomit!

My theory? They’re the product of algorithm-driven incentives, where posting constantly is rewarded over quality. It’s basically Dr Popp’s fault! This is what kills art. The truth is, that creating something beautiful, thoughtful, and original takes time. You can’t rush it. Cathedrals took centuries to build, but in today’s world, we’re in such a hurry, we end up with brutalism instead.

FlashPatterers insist that building trust means putting your face out there to “be the brand”, and turn ourselves into products. I have huge ideological issues with this. I’m serious about getting support for Jazz Cow, is a very cool show, but I also wonder how much I need to get on board. I hate it, and I certainly won’t go gently into it.

Jazz Cow, the show's main character, would disapprove of my refreshing the browser like a fruit machine addict. Sure, I do it for the dopamine rush, tracking clicks, likes, and Kickstarter progress². But it’s helpful to know my progress, but I’ll be glad when that’s over.

That said, I’ve enjoyed going on podcasts and want to do more. It feels like chatting with friends, and as long as I mention Jazz Cow, I’ve done my sales bit. Hopefully, we succeed so I can get off the dopamine-driven train and just make this.

Another approach

Of course, there are other ways of playing the algorithm, I was advised by someone to monetise the culture wars, which feel like organising cockfight and playing both sides off one another, for money. I have no doubt I could make that work. But it’s also against the spirit of the show, I want to unite people across divides and enjoy laughing together. Also, whatever someone’s politics we all face our own Dr Popps, and it’s Dr Popps that are driving us apart.

So, I want success, but not at any cost, it seems the incentive structures aren’t rigged in my favour. We all love a story, and hopefully, I’m at that point at the very start of the third act — the low before the high.

1. It reminds me of bebop musicians who ditched zoot suits to dress like accountants to signal they were serious musicians, not entertainers. Imagine, what would they think of TikTok?

2. I think much of the mess in our society stems from “Dr Popps”, who has turned everything into something that can be measured. But you can't measure goodness, beauty, or truth. It's easy to look at, followers, likes, and bank balance, but it's much harder to assess their character.